Greetings from the Other Side

Being Grambo at Piper & Evy's First Birthday Party 1/15/17

Re-inventing life after picking my nose up off the grindstone!

I have tried blogging...
I blog about my family, my job, my memories, my views.
This latest incantation is going to be an endeavor to walk along side anyone that might find themselves at loose ends.

If you see this post, it will be because you know me and you see it pop up on my social media sights as a link...forgive me if you already know my story.
If you are a fan of the stories I share, please feel free to share this Blog with people that you think might enjoy them too.

I'm going to start with the day that I walked off the job that I loved with a quick re-cap of how I turned 2017 upside down on day four.

I was invited to a meeting with my immediate supervisor, and a neanderthal from a business with which we were seeking a sponsorship.  I was a Jill of all trades at the job that I had, and admittedly only the master of some, but of those, I was an expert.
I had my hand in starting a Theatre Company in a very small (pop. 8000) city in the buckle of the Bible Belt about nine years ago.  Two women came in, yankees at that, and decided to put on a show.  The Director of Economic Development was at the helm, and we did the city a solid.  Things picked up, foot traffic, restaurants were added, businesses increased, etc.  It was a model for other cities, and we were all very proud.

Things change...if you didn't know that, let me tell you before you get into the situation I was in...after a great deal of attrition, I became the only remaining "founding member" of the Company.  Luckily, my job was invented by me, so I was safe as the changes occurred.  My eldest son was named Artistic Director of the Venue to which I had dedicated my time, so I was doubled down on making it successful.

Things change...had I mentioned that?
When things were getting worse and leadership was lacking I should have noticed the handwriting on the wall out of the corner of my eye...unfortunately, I was too busy.
For one whole year, I ignored the red flags until I raised my white flag in January.
When a girl like me  is in a room with two men who know little to nothing about the subject at hand, and the discussion deteriorates to insults directed at "her" while the guest points his finger, and the "boss" decided to not man up, I  kind of knew  it might be time for my final bow.

I considered the prospect of quitting for a little while in the context of giving up, and it hurt.  I considered it in the context of the example I have to maintain for my daughters, daughter in law, and granddaughters, and it hurt less.

I have always hated the final bow.  It means the show is over.
It means that all the hard work that went into the product, the show, is now in my rear view mirror.  If I did it right, the audience leaps to their feet.  In this case it's just a metaphor, I walked out of my office with a box full of personal items. That's when I handed the disloyal boss the keys and told him that I could no longer be a part of what he was doing to the community I have come to love and the curtain fell.

That brings me here.
After six long weeks of not knowing what is going to happen next, or having to juggle all of the knives that I had been juggling, I have come up for air.

I have started meeting with a former colleague and friend and we are exchanging ideas, like old times.  The discussions about the future and the catching up on what we've missed during our time apart makes our meetings more like being in  an old fashioned pinball game, rather than a business meeting, but it is comfortable and reassuring.   I remember that even though our endeavor which  we began all those years ago is no longer ours, we did, indeed, start something of note.
We did it for the reasons I remember, and the mission has remained pure in the hands of the Artistic Director and his Company that are now bringing the stage to life with his vision.
I am satisfied that my work was worthwhile.

Where does that leave me?  Who should I be now that I'm free to be what I want to be in this moment.
I'm confused.  I'm excited.  I'm sad.  I'm disappointed.  I'm worried. I'm bored.  I'm so many things that I need to map them out to understand what I feel most.

I do know that I'm not rushed.  I'm not covering any one's mistakes. I'm not spending my weekends away from my home.
I'm not biting my tongue.

I'm breathing.  I'm meditating (almost) daily.  I'm less exhausted.  I'm having fun dreaming a few new dreams, and sorting through their feasibility.

What do you think?  Do you want to come along on this next leg of the journey?  I hope so.  I hope that my little struggle will inspire someone to look deep inside and see if they really want to be someone else's apologist.  Do you really want to work so hard for someone because it is what comes naturally, not because you're gratified by the experience?  Can you make a change, large or small, and loosen the grip of the routine that you're in?

I'm here, and I'm living this one precious life with a renewed curiosity, as I work to find a new niche.  I think I'm on to something big, and I am excited to share it in the next few weeks.

A new beginning.